The Joy in Living Authentically: A Review of Bretman Rock’s 'You’re That Bitch & Other Cute Lessons About Being Unapologetically Yourself'

What does it mean to live authentically in the Digital Age? How do we navigate the path to be our most authentic selves when we’re constantly exposed to social media during a time when influencers, content creators, and even regular people only post carefully curated images and videos about their lives? Where those individuals only present this image of their lives where it really feels like it’s greener on the other side? With that kind of messaging repeatedly appearing on our Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, and TikTok feeds, is there any benefit to living authentically?

Of course there is. Or, in the words of Bretman Rock, “yuh” (throw in a hairflip here).

The main benefit is the joy that being your truest and most unapologetic self can bring not only to yourself but to those around you. Bretman Rock (he/she/they) — influencer, social media personality, and all-around bad bitch — discusses this in his memoir (and part self-help book) You’re That Bitch & Other Cute Lessons on Being Unapologetically Yourself. Rock, who is non-binary, delves into their upbringing in the Philippines and eventual immigration to Hawaii, sharing his experiences as a child whose sexuality was openly accepted by his family since “the minute, [she] burst out into the world. [They’ve] rejected every binary and expectation of who [he] was supposed to be."

Truly, Rock has broken not only binaries and expectations, but also barriers. Rock’s voice shines through in his memoir, providing a true sense of who she has always been even before becoming a renowned influencer. Rock also proves that life’s not always greener on the other side. She is no stranger to identity struggles that will feel familiar for many Filipino Americans and queer folks. Struggles such as colorism, suicidal ideation, trauma, homophobia, love, heartbreak, at times complicated family relationships, and more. Rock discusses these topics and handles them with care, understanding, and even extending grace to those who have hurt him through empathy.

And even after all the fame and accolades, Rock embodies the Filipino concept of kapwa, “which means your connection not just with yourself but with other people … in order to find your inner bitch, you’re gonna need to be able to make these connections—to find that fierce energy within yourself, within other people and living beings around you, and channel that energy back out, in bigger and bigger circles of nurturing.” Rock nurtures this energy by maintaining his authenticity in how she both surrounds herself with her loved ones and also uplifts them.

Being Filipino American is already a nuanced experience, and for some of us — including Rock — we were able to experience not only being born in the motherland, but spending some of our childhood in her embrace. There’s an additional layer of nuance when it comes to being part of the 1.5 generation, where it feels like you left part of your spirit in the Philippines while your physical body had to learn English and live in this foreign land.

A part of Rock’s memoir that really resonated with me was when Rock admits, “When I was young, I wanted to be Mestiza so badly, I asked my mom to bring me home papaya soap.” I was reminded of the bundles of Likas Papaya soap my parents would always bring back from the Philippines. They were never meant for me, but I recall using a bar in middle school because maybe having lighter skin was what I needed to be prettier — a colorist belief that the lighter one is, the more attractive one could be. But, like Rock, “it wasn’t until very recently that I embraced my Moreno skin shade, I honestly didn’t realize I was experiencing the effects of colorism.”

This anecdote is one of the many examples of how Rock recalls experiences of their life in the Philippines, juxtaposing these experiences against her new life in Hawaii. Rock also details how, as they’ve gotten older, they’ve learned how important unlearning and decolonization are needed to heal from some of their upbringing, specifically the media programming one is constantly exposed to, not only in the U.S. but also in the Philippines.

Rock’s career is in its tenth year, and since his first viral moment, it has flourished. He’s continued to uphold this incredible sense of self, authenticity, and believes “confidence in yourself is everything," explaining, "I’ve always been confident that I had what I needed to reach my very lofty goals.” These qualities of Rock have helped him reach incredible points of her career from being listed as one of Time magazine’s 30 Most Influential Teens, Forbes “30 Under 30 Asia - Media, Marketing, & Advertising,” being on the cover of Playboy magazine as the first openly gay man, having his own reality TV show on MTV, etc. And my favorite of all, being on the cover of Vogue Philippines. I can imagine there will be so much more to come from Rock.

Rock’s sense of self-love resonates in You’re That Bitch. So much so that his memoir is a love letter to their younger self and for others like him who have had similar struggles. It is a love letter that constantly reiterates that embracing authenticity leads to more love, success, confidence, and, most importantly, joy.